she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
