We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize