And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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