I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
