On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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