So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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