i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
