dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
