I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
