may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
