I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
