if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You ruined the universe
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
