I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
