Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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