i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
