mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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