Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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