new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
