I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
