Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
