Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
