Sry I called you an 8
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
