I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize