i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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