y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
