oh god the rape fog is back!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
