This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
