No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
