Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
