Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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