Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
