make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
