Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we made out on top of his cat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
