dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
