id be glad to
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
