So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
