I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
