You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
