What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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