Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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