I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
