Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
