working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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