dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
