i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
