She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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