I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
