he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
