How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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