grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
