woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
