my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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