New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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