my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They took my balls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
