Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
