I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
