i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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