he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
