I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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