I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
