He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You are the jesus of drinking
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize