You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
