Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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