mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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